James Bond Sensitivity Training with Jane Seymour – transcript

Transcript of parody clip - James Bond Sensitivity Training with Jane Seymour.


Music: Intense music.

Bond: This organization, do you know what it’s called?

Madeleine: It’s name is Spectre. It’s a sensitivity training program.

Music: Bond theme.

Jane: James, you have a problem. You have a creepy prejudice against people with disabilities.

Bond: You noticed.

Jane: It would be hard not to. You’re literally always killing them. Dr No, amputee with no hands. Largo, missing as eye. Blofeld, disabled, used a wheelchair. Tee Hee Johnson, amputee with a claw hand. Scaramanga, third nipple. And the list keeps going, it’s insane. Stromberg, webbed hands. Jaws, growth defect and metal teeth. Trevelyan, facial scarring.

Jane: One time you literally skewered a man’s wheelchair with the helicopter rail and drop through 20 stories into an incinerator. I get some of this happened back in the ’70s, when people weren’t as sensitive to this stuff, but some of this is inexcusably recent. Le Chiffre, bleeding eye condition, Raul Silva, missing jaw and facial disfigurement.

Jane: The whole disabled persons as a supervillain thing is cliché and offensive. I’ve never seen anyone cling to outdated stereotypes so stubbornly.

Bond: Or quite so stylishly.

Jene: Don’t start with the flirting. This isn’t funny.

Music: Bond theme.

Jane: You’ll be given a series of targets. Try not to shoot anyone with a disability. This should be incredibly easy. Wow this is worse than I thought.

Music: Bond theme.